By Karl Pillemer
Clark Hughes, age 72 says:
I would say that one of the things that I have learned is that as a man, I tend to be a fixer. If my wife is complaining, I want to do something about it and make it right. The problem is, first of all, there’s tons of things in life you can’t fix. And the second thing is that often the other person just needs to be heard and validated. So control that fixer impulse and really be there for the other person, and be able to endure the suffering when you can’t make something go away.
Lucia (married to Stanley for 55 years) says:
We found it saves so much time and trouble if we clarify back and reframe our answers and really think about, what did he really say? In fact, I just did that the other day on some silly thing where I said what HE felt and it made him angry. He hadn’t expressed his feelings that way, but I heard it in my head and it wasn’t true. And it’s always enlightening when that happens, kind of makes you go,”Whoa!”
These are lessons that some of us have to learn over and over. The book is full of great advice on many topics from people who are speaking from years of experience.